The Fog

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It’s hard to know what to write when you have so many thoughts and experiences flying at you.  Sometimes I feel I must guard my experiences because I would never want to communicate that something is bad…. it’s just, well, different.  Change is often hard, but in time, it gets better.  Just as I had to embrace the “downshift” as I wrote about last time, I’m now having to embrace so many new things and the pace of life has quickened now that school is in full swing.

What could I write about?

Language.  It’s hard. Yep, it’s going to take time. I try.  I make mistakes and laugh.  But you can laugh so many times and it all catches up to you and you are just “done”. I want to ask:  Where’s my easy button?

Culture.  Am I doing things correctly?  Why do they do what they do?! Oh man, where’s my ruby slippers when I need to click them and say “There’s no place like home.  There’s no place like home.”

I frankly don’t have the capacity to write and express myself right now.  I’m in this fog… a daze… and I don’t think it’s a bad thing necessarily, it’s just what it is at the moment.

Josh is enjoying his teaching of the students and working alongside two really great guys, Bartek and Conrad.  He’s also been able to teach American football and baseball out at the camp for Green School (think day camp field trips for students).  He’s taught many students in surrounding areas as well as students from Warsaw.  He’s going kayaking tomorrow with our good friend and his two sons. His mind is basically and for the most part free and clear!

Rough start for the girls, the first week at school, but things are looking up.

Me?  Well, I’m enjoying teaching the best I can, but I’m struggling.  I don’t have my own classroom, and thus I lug materials to and from home and school.  I lug materials to and from my cubicle box in the teachers room or the language classroom to the classrooms I have to teach in. I can’t even sit and work in the teacher’s room because I have so much stuff!  I miss my classroom… a lot!  My teaching doesn’t feel the same either as I don’t have all that I used to at my finger tips.  Not having something to project things up for students to see is probably what I miss the most.  I feel I lose them in the teaching as it’s hard to follow.

I’m struggling because my time seems to be completely swallowed up in trying to figure out the best way to teach younger students. I am creating, creating, creating just so I feel they are learning language interactively and relevantly… AND in a managed setting so they aren’t touching and falling all over one another. It has been so eye opening these last few weeks as activities and games I’ve always been able to do with older students simply are disastrous after 2 minutes with younger kids!    I am just so not used to teaching young kids!   I thus don’t spend the time I would like on planning effective and relevant lessons for my older students.  I seem to be thinking and planning non-stop, yet never feeling satisfied.  It’s a fault I own… always have.

It ALL is just so DIFFERENT and new and great and awesome and hard… all wrapped up in one.  BUT… in time, it will become a BEAUTIFUL different.  I wasn’t prepared for working with the younger kids, but obviously God knows the “how” and because of that I know I can.

This fog and daze will lift.  I don’t have to make any agreements with the Enemy that I’m some how a failure because of a, b, or c.   It’s often in the fog that we’ll side with the Enemy and succumb to his tactics.  No, I’m sorry…not going to happen.  I have a Heavenly Father who knows right where I am at and can meet me in my helplessness. I don’t need to have the joy of being where we are… with the people we are with be robbed right under my nose.  In this fog, He is here with me.

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